So I saw Transformers 2 this weekend. I didn’t like it. I give it a 2.5 out of 5 stars. Why? Well, below I have a review from a random guy (from www.joblo.com) who feels almost the same way I do.
xx
BE WARNED THAT IS FULL OF SPOILERS!!!
from: joblo.com
BojacRedleif on Jun 28 2009, 5:13:34 PM writes:
0/10 HERE’S MY SPOILER/EXPLICATIVE LADEN REVIEW.
Ugh, I liked the first Transformers, I really did. In the theater I saw it 4 times (I worked there). Believe me I was so excited to see this, and then as it got closer to release I got less and less interested; and then I saw it…
Wow Michael Bay, I’ve defended you so much because I loved The Rock & Armageddon. But now I don’t think I can do it anymore.
First off Megan Fox, why are people obsessing over her? Yes she’s very attractive, but there are many good looking actresses out there WHO CAN ACT. She literally sounded like she was reading her lines in her sleep, it was that bad. I didn’t hate her in the first (probably because I was awestruck at seeing Optimus), but man did she suck hard in this one.
Shia Labeouf, no problem sir. Obviously you were contractually obligated and did the best with what you had.
Now we get to where things get really, really stupid…the plot.
Sam finds a piece of the Allspark on his jacket that he even says he WEARS ALL THE TIME! The movie takes place 2 years later and he never once checked the pockets?
Also why the fuck does the Allspark turn shit into ONLY DECEPTACONS? Then we’ll address that why is it that when shit comes to life from the Allspark IT IS ALWAYS PACKING!?!? Nowhere in a Coffee maker are there bullets, or fucking missiles!
They use “Orion’s Belt” to direct them to the place that the “Matrix of Leadership” is hidden. The Matrix was hidden thousands of years ago, STARS SHIFT POSITIONS! Hell they don’t even stay in the same spot over one night! The only one that stays in the same spot is the North Star and even that thing will move over thousands of years.
So both factions are searching for the “Matrix of Leadership”, Sam finds it and IT TURNS TO DUST! The Deceptacons needed that shit to turn on the machine that would eat the sun. PROBLEM SOLVED. Then at the end Sam “dies” and sees the 6 Prime brothers in heaven and they tell him that the Matrix had to be earned through courage and the thing reforms itself and Sam comes back to life… So even if the Deceptacons got the dust of the Matrix IT WASN’T GOING TO REFORM ITSELF! But no Sam fixes it and then it is promptly stolen and used to turn the fucking machine on! Albeit they had to use the Matrix to bring back Optimus (btw he dies at like min 45) but at the cost of maybe having the sun turned into energon? But couldn’t they just stab Optimus and all the dead Autobots with the shard of the Allspark like the Deceptacons did with Megatron?
They blatantly cut out the Autobots to make room for 2 fucking Jar Jar Binkses one is called Mudfalps and the other? Who gives a shit (the one that has a Gold tooth). Ratchet (the medic) is never named in the movie and is probably in the background for like 5 minutes. Iron Hide gets about double that in screen time. They had Arcee in the movie but she’s also in the back and later gets shot in the face. There was some other Autobot who was awesome (in fact his one line was something around “I am awesome!”) and he could cut Deceptacons in half, but no! Back of the bus he goes. If you think about it OPTIMUS FUCKING PRIME, THE LEADER OF THE AUTOBOTS gets less screen time than Jar Jar 1 & Jar Jar 2.
There was way too much stupid shit going on, Devastator had two wrecking balls for nuts. One of the minideceptacons had a Penis Cannon. The Mom ate a brownie with weed in it. (The parent’s by the way also got way too much screen time)
I’m beginning to see a pattern; the writers literally took everything good about the first movie and doubled it in an effort to make it “Twice as awesome”. Instead of 1 smoking chick, we get 2. Instead of 1 jive Autobot, we get 2, and so on and so forth.
I wanted this to be good, I really did. The Transformers were pretty but you never got a clear look at any of them. $200 Million dollars just can’t buy you a friggen Steadicam these days. Even when the humans were talking (and believe me they do it alot) they had the cameras spinning around them and shit like that. This movie was easily an hour too long, and probably about 45 human characters too many.
This ties with Wolverine for the stupidest movie of the year. Ugh 2009 had so much promise but aside from Star Trek, Up, and The Hangover this summer has been a giant shit fest…
June 29, 2009, 12:25am Comments
